Under the Influence
by Joolah
Summary: Zell, Seifer, Squall, and Irvine get drunk. Insanity ensues. Rated for language.


Under the Influence   
  
  


"Chicken-wuss, tell me something. Do you have _any_ ... *hic* ... sense?"   


"Oh, SHUT UP. Will you just ... Watch already?"   


Zell stared at the motionless, blurry pool of water before him. Even from this elevation, he could see the bottom of the pool clearly. He took this brief moment to wonder why in hell he had _ever_ said he would do this. It just wasn't in him to be a wussy and run, but still ... He definitely should have run from this.   


He gulped, looking down. What a _drop_. And that wasn't even the worst part! He blushed, praying silently that no one else would suddenly show up as he covered his 'parts' with his hands. Hell, there were already too many people witnessing this -- Seifer, Squall, and Irvine.   


"So like ... Zell! Are you gonna ... *hic* ... jump or not!?"   


Zell was _not_ ready to jump. But something -- either the series of drinks he had had that night or Irvine's sudden yell -- caused him to face-fault off of the diving board and into the pool.   


He surfaced as quickly as he could, cursing wildly and flailing around like a wounded duck. He could hear the other three guys cracking up. Even Squall was laughing, but only because of too many drinks, Zell knew. Alteast Squall was fun when he was drunk off of his ass. But _fuck_, that water was **cold**!   


"Aw, damn! Fucking sh-- ... ," he yelled, accidently inhaling a mouthful of pool water and resurfacing. "Aagh! Dammit. Help me out!! It's fucking COLD!!!"   


"I wouldn't ... *hic* ... Touch you if my life depended on it ... Chicken-wuss," Seifer stammered, sloppily taking another swig of the beer he was holding. He then continued laughing as Zell scrambled for the ladder, freezing his ass off.   


"Your turn ... *hic* ... Squally," Irvine insisted. He tried to push Squall toward the pool, but only succeeded in knocking his own cowboy hat off and falling out of his lawn chair.   


"Hahaha ... Fuck no. You can doooo iiiitttt ...," Squall replied drunkenly, falling on Irvine. He was very possibly more drunk than all three of the others combined.   


"Aaaaahhh ... I need a damned towel! Hell ... Ugh. I will never ... Do that *hic* again ...," Zell groaned, pulling himself up onto the grass and forgetting he was in his birthday suit. "Where the hell is my beeeer ...?"   


"Fuuuuuck. He has a _white_ ass. Have you ever seen an ass that _white_?" Squall questioned, raising his head from the ground briefly to look at Zell. Promptly, he collapsed back ontop of Irvine.   


"Fuck off, dude ... Quisty said your ass is _whiiiiiiiiteeerr_," Zell laughed, reaching for a beer that was scarcely out of his reach. "Hahahaha ... Whiter than a SNOW CONE."   


"What ...? Quisty ... What is Quiiiisttyy ...?"   


"You are getting annoying ... *hic* ... Shut the hell up," Seifer demanded, taking another drink. "Your turn, Chicken-wuss."   


"Okaaay, umm ... Irv, truth or dare?" Zell asked, struggling to hold his head up.   


"Uhhhh ... Truth," Irvine answered, shoving Squall off of him.   


"Haha ... Is Selphie good in bed?"   


"Selphie ... She has a big mouth," Irvine grinned lopsidedly.   


"Ohh, she does, does she? I am ... Gonna go see," Seifer announced, stumbling toward the back door.   


"Let's see ... How many bananas can fit. Hahahaaaa ...," Zell laughed, standing up on wobbly legs.   


"So like, to the kiiitcheen ... I will find some 'nanas, guys," Irvine said, dragging himself along.   


"Wait for meeeee ... You can't ... *hic* ... Leave me behind. I'm your buddyyyy ...," Squall stuttered, trying to hurry after them.   


Seifer grasped the doorknob, finally succeeding in making it turn. The door swung open slowly, and he began to step inside before he felt arms clinging around his waist.   


"Argh .. Fuck, Zell. *hic* Leggo!" Seifer screamed.   


"Heeelp meee ... I'm falling. There are little spinning things flying around your head, Seafur!! You see iiitt? It looks liiike ... BOOBIES. Hahahahhaaaaa!!! Weeeee ... Catch 'em! Woooo ... Boooobiiiiessss," Zell said dazedly, refusing to release Seifer from his grip.   


"Aaaah!! It bited me, Zelly. It bited me! See iiiittt; seeee iiiittt? It looks like yo' mamaaaa. She is oooooooogly, Zelly. No wonder you look like you dooo ...," Irvine yelled, clinging to Zell's legs.   


"Noo ... I can make it. Save yourselves! Leave me! *hic* I will escape from the chipmunks, somehow .. I will see you again somedaaaaay .. Because ... I looove yoooo ... Yoooo looooveeee meee ... We're uh happyyy familyyyy ...," Squall squealed, hanging onto Irvine's pony-tail.   


"Oh, shiiiit. I'm falliiiing ...," Seifer whined, unable to stand up because of everyone leaning into him.   


So, there they all passed out -- halfway inside the door. And they stayed there all night.   
  
  
  


So, will the girls find the guys passed out in the morning? Will the guys wake up first and try to act like nothing happened? Will they even _remember_ what happened? Please review and tell me what you think! Sorry if it was weird and made no sense. I'm on another sugar high and can't possibly be serious right now. Soo .. Maybe I'll write another chapter. I just need some ideas on what you guys think should happen next. Anyways. Thanks a tonberry for reading, dudes! :D 


End file.
